i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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