I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
