I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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