I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
