Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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