you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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