Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
