I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm at about main and main street
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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