I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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