Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
