I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
