ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize