Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
