Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
