Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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