So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize