before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
