sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
