she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
