I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
