Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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