my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
