Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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