So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
