i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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