My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
