Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
