Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
