I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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