He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
