i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
