I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
