yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
