ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
