i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
