In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You can't just leave with hair like that
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
