i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sext me about skeletons
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
