I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
