You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
