Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need to calm my uterus...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
