go do what you do best...puke behind churches
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
