I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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