yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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