The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
