absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
