its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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