How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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