my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
