I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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