i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
