it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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