I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
