so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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