Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
