I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
