i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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