Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just google imaged poop.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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