I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
