All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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