At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
