IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
