Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
