I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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