she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
