Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
