i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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