I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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