thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
