I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
