i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
