Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
