Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
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this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
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I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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