I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
