I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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