Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
