Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
