Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
