I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
