he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
