Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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