So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Who died my cat blue again?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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