bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
