Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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