dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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